Feedback for first draft edit

This is the IT technician above giving me feedback on my first edit draft and he has this feedback shown below:

• 0:10 - Turn phone down 
• 0:11 - Camera is to zoomed in (need headroom)
• 0:27 - Shadow in frame
• 0:32 - Fixed? 
• 0:40 - Cut out length 
• 1:02 - Move shot ramidy
• 1:34 - Add interactive overlay 
• Add sound track of messages 
• 2:26 - Cut down 
• cut on action 
• Livestream sequence you on too long 

The feedback I'm giving myself are the following:

• When she's cutting her hair in the scene I will add a snipping sound and mute that part of the scene 
• Add donations to the live stream part of live 
• Add a dramatic music awards the end 
• Adding a donation sound track